how we all change (into something more beautiful:terrifying)
Saturday, July 22, 2006
mused @ 1:30 AM
back at home after a long combat shoot. combat shoot is fun...just that the night makes the $200 elusive.
5 more days to thailand! can't wait!
italy won the world cup via penalties. and i trutly think zidane did not deserve such a sending off. it makes this world cup one scarred with controversies.
family is back. dad has returned already to taiwan. it is good to have them back; at least there is company. however, all the fighting and stupidity is also back. and now i have to learn to control them. aaron is still stubborn, amelia is still indecisive and amanda is getting slightly out of hand. things have changed a lot since they have left and returned. they all slightly now more grown up. amelia has a boyfriend (again) and i suspect aaron had a girlfriend too. amanda...well she definitely has grown up and has become a bit more impudent.
which brings me to a question.
have i changed myself?
today when i had combat shoot, it was a great chance to catch up with my peers from the various companies. and we were talking about our friends and how we have changed. (or not) and some of us have moved on. some of us are still stuck in the some ruthole, unable or unwilling to move.
i am probably most afraid of change. that i know. i hate a change of environment, change of familiar faces, change of a habit. and once i accepted something trying to talk me out of it is hard.
but probably i have changed in some ways i have never expected. and probably will never realise, cause one tends to more ignorant about one's self.
if only i can film myself as i live my life. tracing the promises i made and forgotten. tracing my mistakes and success. seeing the young chap grow into a monster or saint.
we talked about our old classmates. estelle and how she is modelling now. eddie and how is a police inspector now. siraj and his rp job. then i thought about my own friends.
deborah on how she is in aus now. siyuan and how he has stuck with me all these years. steve and how he got into nus via a microsoft scholarship.
how about myself? do i see myself playing trance for the masses in 10 years? am i even getting started on the goal, the impossible dream?
then its time i get started.
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